She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
