u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
please don't ironically join a cult
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