I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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