I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
