were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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