afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
