Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
