...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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