You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
