the new term for farting is butt boxing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
