how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
