She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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