I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
