Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
