dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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