Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
