She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She told me I should be a condom model.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
