First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
