so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
