I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
why is half of my head shaved?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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