We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
