i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
