i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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