im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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