So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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