oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
