On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
