also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
