nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
