I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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