thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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