The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
