genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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