I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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