so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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