The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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