kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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