If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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