so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
