I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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