Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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