i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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