I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
