Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
