When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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