I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
