her vagine was all disorganized.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
