You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
time to smoke my breakfast
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
