eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
