I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
